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Talk:Haru Shirōkaze
Impressive Wow. I must say. Despite being your first character, Haru is very well crafted and he follows our Manual of Style almost precisely. Keep up the good work man, I look forward to seeing more from you ^_^ Blankslate 12:56, May 4, 2012 (UTC) My Review Since this follows Manual Style I congratulate you, newcomer, for making a successful first character article on this site. :) Now, for the character overall, I just have a few things I want to critique over... 1) He's an exile Soul Reaper. I get that's a mainstream choice for most Fanon RP'ers to choose for their first character, so I won't fault you for that. What I don't get is why this group, the Voidseekers, have the "authority" to seek out rogue Soul Reapers, Visoreds, and any "criminal" elements of that sort...because if they are a Black Ops branch of the Soul Society's Military, then it must be linked *somehow* to the Stealth Force, considering that their primary job is to take down rogue elements outside the law of the Soul Society. So...why would Haru be welcomed into such a faction if he's exiled? Is it a chance to redeem himself somehow, or was he transferred off the Gotei 13 onto a unofficial part of the Gotei 13's black ops...cause if their job is to take down illegitimate and illegal Soul Reapers, then he shouldn't be part of such a group, right? 2) I'm sorry but most of your techniques seemed to be borderlining on Godmodding and Hacking, two of my pet peeves that I really don't like seeing in articles overall. One such technique I read *paraphrasing this, mind you*, "....has the ability to appear behind the opponent within an instant and land a swift counterattack. If this is within an illusion, this would take you straight to the "real one" or to the caster and allow you to follow suite,"...I'm sorry but that is basically a hacking-type move, to teleport or move so fast the opponent can't discern their path of travel then attack and land a critical blow. This move can basically be spammed if you wanted it to, and for that I think you need to place some sort've chemistry or factual rules that tone this ability down. This goes for all the other powers. One looks like a form of Getsuga Tenshou, the blue arc movement of cutting energy when swung with a sword, and another breaks down the spiritron molecular bonds of the Soul Reaper's body and aims not only yourself but the form of the attack upon the target or point of retreat. I like the structure of this character, but it needs some rational clarification on traits and history/background. If you want to continue working on your character or explaining some things to me, please go to my Talk Page for further in dept discussion. The Omniscent Shadow of the Moon 20:40, May 4, 2012 (UTC) Hi Wow...I'm stunned. Your character's amazing. I love the Zanpakutō, I would never have thought about something like this. KrazyKeke 11:20, May 7, 2012 (UTC)